That encounters

   Call it a Deja Vu. Why today? Seriously. Out of 30 days when I was not home, why it occurs today when I'm home? Girl, Allah wants it to happen today.............. who are you to resist that fate? 


   This morning. I woke up. And went to the bathroom. Then I brushed my teeth while staring in the mirror. Eh. My gum's bleeding. Ugh. Then, Ambil Wudhu'. Wait. The atmosphere's weird. Eh. Whatever. Settle. Lets get outta here and pray. As I touched the door's knob .... I noticed something uncanny. Unfamiliar. I turned right. I looked down. Oookayyy. What is that thing? That black, silky, stick at the wall, behind the sink's 'leg' (?). O Allah. That's........................................................a snake. 

   Then I got out of that bathroom and stood anxiously in front of my mother. I hesitated. I pulled myself together and said, "Mak, ada benda pelik dalam bilik air...." 

   BENDA PELIK? Seriously, girl, seriously? Haha. Then I just went into my room. And I heard my Ayah attempted to get rid of it as that bathroom is right next to my bedroom. The thoughts of that 'thing' consumed me. That sight was unforgettable. It was horrifying (well, at least for me). That situation reminded me to my first encounter with a snake in a bathroom (rumah lama) when I was like, 5, when I stepped into the bathroom, that snake 'freaked out' and almost gonna 'bite' my feet but thanks God my reflex was utterly quick so I ran into my parents' room. 

   This time. That snake just remain still. It didn't 'freak out' or throwing a tantrum (?). I was like, brushing my teeth right in front of it. Thanks God it didn't panic due to my presence. 

My lesson for today is. NOTICE THINGS. Please, girl, be more observant. 


You know, when certain people make me as a 'second choice' (in friendship, etc) then I simply choose to runaway from them. You regard me as your second best, then I make you as an option too. I try to fit in, and sometime I DO fit in, but not completely. Maybe it's better to walk on my own. But still, sometime, it gets lonely. ugh. 

Who am I to feel lonely when I choose to stay this way? Hah. 

Right. I still have Allah. It's enough. More than enough. I'm perfectly imperfect. I should rectify my relationship with Him and only then, I believe He'll take care the rest of my relationship with His creations. Right?


Time flies. It's been months I'm here. Heh. Mid Sem exam's over. Now, we're striving for final sem exam. It's getting closer. Sometime, I hate myself for relaxing too much. Sometime I'm annoyed at myself for being too panic (especially when I fail to complete my homework). That's me. Typical me. When my roommates are burning the midnight oil, studying, and all that, I simply decide to sleep early. I love doing my own thing. I love having a night walk from surau to koop to hostel. I enjoy the music along my way. I enjoy having myself as my own company. But hey, socialize is also my thing, duh. Well, let's just say, I'm well-balanced. I need friends to rely on and I need my own space to stand up on my own. 

The thing is, I'm happy and contented to be here, Kolej Mara Kulim. Of course, studying chemistry, biology and physics is challenging ........ MOST of the time. That's what you get when you don't have a dream of becoming a pharmacist, doctor or engineering. Haa.
But, it feels right. To be here. To be a part of this programme. Pra-USM programme. We're like.... an 'experiment' you know. Yeap. We're the FIRST batch (pioneer). *grin

I'm still struggling, yeah... quizzes still caught me off guard. Blame me for not being ready and studying consistently.. well.. let's just conclude that I should improve that part. 

Alhamdulillah. I'm good. Struggling. But I'll survive. If Allah wills it :)

So.............. What's been happening lately? Here we go :D

Heh. You know what's happening right? Last year, it was frog. This time it's mice ~

I'm officially a blood donor! I'm not trying to show off or what.. but yeah... it feels good to donate some blood :)

This. Is. Unexpected. For someone who doesn't even like Science. This. Is Whoa. Alhamdulillah :')
7 is my lucky number oh yeah :D I'm hoping for the best this forthcoming final sem ~


Can you spot the Royal Balcony? Yeap. It's where the Jalur Gemilang is. 

That's it. For now. I gotta a little bit of study and a little bit of watching movies.. Heeeeee.

Salam :)


I'm just a human. I can be very selfish, sometime. I might have my ego. But I'm fragile on the inside. And I feel very hopeless. What happened in Egypt ............ is utterly heart-breaking. Heartless.

For those who's still clueless about what's happening in Egypt.., please read this:

Doa. Senjata Mukmin. Remember. Let's do our parts. 



Yeap. Today is the FIRST day of Raya. I know. But I'm not going to talk about the first day of Raya. Because technically, when I thought about going back to KMK this Saturday's night, it sorts of ruining my 'Raya mood'. Here I am, blogging in the dark, listening to Demi Lovato's The Middle, realising the fact that I should rise early tomorrow because we'll be having Open House, and it's already 12.40 am. I should make a research about innovation....... a proposal is waiting to be created. I should Google some Cellular Respiration notes, because it was complicated (to me) and the lecture was blurry (again, to me). But hey, I'm not doing any of those ... much. I'm happily blogging instead. Hah. That's me. Typical, I-don't-care me. 

So yeah ................... for someone who doesn't have a chemistry with the ... um, kitchen .. here we go, my FIRST cupcake! Because this cupcake only requires 3 ingredients, FLOUR + EGG + NUTELLA, yeay, I'm baking this! And it tastes ... GOOD (to me. lol). 

NUTELLA cupcake, anyone?

That morning, my mom baked Pavlova (which is really really tasty, sweet, and all good thing that describes desserts) and I asked mom to 'share' her pavlova's whipped cream for my cupcakes. heh.

Whoops. It's almost 1am. Gotta go .. to get some sleep. 

Ramadhan and Me

credit: Facebook?

This year's Ramadhan is quite different ... for me. Sounds cliche' ., but yeah, this year is the first year that I experienced 'my Ramadhan' at some places other than my home. They say, first time is always the hardest. In my case, yes, it was hard, considering the fact that I spent the first day of Ramadhan at home, so when I reached my college (4th Ramadhan), there's this sick, itchy feeling of wanting to spend the rest of Ramadhan at home. But then, I kept my head under the pressure (homesick, mid sem exam, quizzes) and went on until .......... I got home last Thursday, which was the last day of my mid sem exam. 

Still, It's Wednesday already and I don't feel like studying ... oh well, exam's over isn't it? The angel on the right says, "Girl, there's this Math assignment and a proposal and 3 lab, let's finish those now," . But the devil on the left provokes, "Babe, tomorrow kann Raya .. Just leave it la.., you can always do it later,"


Oh, right. Ramadhan at Kolej Mara Kulim was memorable, to me. I don't want to get into details, but it was not that bad. Rela turun ke Dewan Selera at 5am untuk bersahur. Being a part of Majlis Ilmu. Berbuka di surau. Berbuka di dalam hostel (hehe.... breaking the rules once in a while is harmless..). 

Iftar with Mentor Mentee was incredibly awesome. Delicious food. Capturing moments. Laughing. Sharing. A moment to remember, indeed :)

FYI, for someone who doesn't even like Physics, like me, Allah has destined for me to accept a PHYSICS teacher as my MENTOR (yeap, the teacher that I mentioned in previous post). Honestly, I was terribly horrified when I received that news but um, everything happens for a reason, right? Heeee... 

This time, let's go back to 2012. It's 5 Amir 2012, people! So many stories to share, so little time! Ugh. Ada yang akan pergi ke Korea, US, Russia, etc. The rest study at UIA, UM, UTP, UITM, Matrikulasi, Maktab Perguruan, etc. Whoa. Semua membawa haluan masing-masing. I wish you all the BEST! And please, be yourself because you guys are amazing just the way you are ;) 

p/s: Time, please stop ><

I miss home.

 (FYI, the title has nothing to do with this entry. Peace)  

Us. Roommates. The other two went MIA. Haha. Credit: Leen

Pop quizzes. Assignments. Tons and tons of exercises. Extra classes for new students to catch up those chapters we missed. Mind maps. Background reading. Revising. Procrastinating?

   Those pretty much summed up what I've been doing for this two weeks. God. It's exhausting. Even just to think and ponder about it makes my forehead to form err.. wrinkles? So yeah, this is only college. I couldn't imagine what's next for our next destination ....... UNIVERSITI SAINS MALAYSIA ... (if Allah wills it).

   And come to think of it, I am so .... slow. I failed my quizzes. But hey, what do you expect from me? I am a newbie aka latecomer. So, I guess that makes me 'legal' to make mistakes. Shoot. I shouldn't have this kind of thought. I really shouldn't. I don't deserve to even think about this. I shouldn't have this I'm-late-so-I'm-allowed-to-fail-my-quizzes-and-leave-my-previous-assignments-unfinished perception. But still, I can sense the pressure (who doesn't?). They're real good. Smooth. And intimidating, sometime. But I'm glad they're kind of helpful to us :) .............. after one week :p

   For someone who just doesn't get Physics, yes, it is tough. To be honest, I'm not even in 'good terms' with the basics. Then how did you get an A for Physics, Demona? Oh well, it just happened. Ha. Yeah righty. And there's ONE thing that I've learned from my Physics Teacher. 

"Kamu semua ni jangan jadi macam senior kamu (no offence). Pelajar Melayu sekarang aim pointer yang cukup-cukup makan je. Pelajar Melayu, ketika belajar di Matrikulasi, mereka berhempas pulas untuk mendapatkan pointer yang tinggi demi menyambung pelajaran ke universiti, tetapi apabila mereka berjaya melanjutkan pelajaran ke universiti pilihan mereka, mereka sudah tidak ada semangat untuk belajar bersungguh-sungguh dan aim pointer yang cukup-cukup makan sahaja, bukan macam pelajar Cina (no matter how much I despise the fact that peeps these days inclined to compare us, Malays to Chinese, I must say ..... this fact is, well, undeniable). Nanti kamu kena bersaing dengan pelajar Cina di USM. Macam mana kamu nak bersaing dengan mereka kalau soalan tutorial pun selalu tak siap? (Hehe) " Kata cikgu Physics. (and yeah, of course I edited her words because I forgot the whole thing la... but the meaning is the same one)

So yeah. I'm gonna do it my way. Change. I wouldn't expect super excellent outcomes, of course. But I'm gonna do my best. "Do what you do and do it great. And you know we're not that kind to sit around and wait," Sang YUNA through her beautiful song, Loud Noises. Remember, aim and expectation are 2 different things.

p/s: Until now, I'm wondering, "How did I get here, when I'm supposed to study Tesl?" I did not expect to make a 'comeback' to a .... laboratory. Wow. Life can be so magically and dramatically unexpected sometime .... or MOST of the times. Haha.


Everything happens so fast. Time flies. And I couldn't just sit back and wait for everything to happen without my consent. I always feel like I'm an independent girl. Ha. But, when I stepped into the 'new world' (UiTM), the insecurity consumed me. Inferior. Everyone seemed intimidating. Wow. I thought I could handle this, alone. Like how I used to. But, alas, I still feel the need to depend on someone. Someone that you can call, friend. And I miss my family and home. Ugh. Baru kau tahu langit tu tinggi atau rendah, kann? 

After one-horrendous-week orientation at UiTM Jengka, Pahang, the students of foundation of Tesl and Law were transferred to UiTM Kuantan. 

The hostel is so ..... comfy. So unexpected. Haha. I loved the night view. I loved my housemates. I couldn't ask for more. It was so marvelous. It was like... my second home. I still remember that night when we stalked our seniors through their twitters and all that. God, that was so hilarious and um, addictive. Ha. Girls *rolls eyes

But then, on my fourth day staying at that hostel, I got an email from MARA. I forwarded that email to my Mom. I contacted Diyan. I called Fana ...........and we talked for almost 28 minutes. The decision was final. I'm gonna have to leave UiTM. I'm gonna accept MARA's offer..............after declining it for the sake of studying TESL at UiTM. Realizing that USM also offered TESL, I didn't hesitate anymore (like I did before). There's no such thing as too late. Enough said. 

Goodbye, UiTM. I wish I was a TESLian, but I didn't even make it to attend any classes. So, yeah, I just missed that chance. Because deep inside, I can feel that I can do something bigger, better than this.

So, hello ... SCIENCE. I thought 2012 was our last meeting, but, it looks like, we're going to meet again T^T 

Mungkin. Allah takdirkan aku begini agar aku berusaha untuk memperbaiki niat aku. Supaya aku tidak mengulangi kesilapan aku. Straight A's SPM. But it feels .... kind of empty. Kerana aku belajar for the sake of examination. Ya. Usaha aku tidak sia-sia. But, what am I fighting for? 

Mungkin. Allah takdirkan aku tersilap beli tudung (?) .... because He wants me to start making progress, now. Baby steps. Heh.

p/s: Oh My English! Mind my Bahasa, please :p 

Come Back Again

Wirawati Negara :)

Wow. It's been a long time since I last blogging. Keeping my blog as private for almost 2 months was meant to declare my absence for carrying out my duty to attend national service (PLKN). That's it.

So..........................I'm back!

PLKN was .... horrendous. Hey. Just kidding. (well it was, at first :p) Okay. Let me first start with spreading the objective of PLKN:
If you're Malaysian, I guarantee you can fully understand those objectives. Heh. But if you're somehow doubt the true meaning of those objectives, you know what they say "Google is your best friend". Done. 

What I can say about my Kem PLKN: Cancun Park, Pasir Mas, Kelantan is I was lucky enough to be placed there compared to other camps. Why? Because it only took 1 hour for my Ayah to drive his car to visit me. Hehe. Nahhhh. It's not just because of that, lah. This camp is quite well-known for its high disciplined. And it also stresses the most significant part in our life, which is - religion. 

Syahirah Ruslan (me) and Syahera Rosli (her). Haha.

Nadiah. Me. Alia. I'm glad we're in the same group in the class ;)

 Time is money. Indeed. It's crucial to be punctual (It's rhyme, lol). In my case, I really hate being late and wasting time is so.............NOT my thing. At home, when it only involves myself, yes, I must confess that I tend to waste time a lot by watching korean dramas, facebook-ing, listening to music and so on. But I have this sense of urgency where I don't like making people wait for me and I detest the feel of being the last person who arrives at certain occasions/events. Fyi, the rule here is quite simple: If one person makes mistake, the rest will also have to bear the punishments. *Sigh

Teddy Bear and Lija. Teddy Bear? Yeahh... she's CUTE like a teddy bear. Hehe.

One thing I discovered about myself is I love being independent. I really do. It feels great to be aware of the fact that I can count on myself. I'm not trying to brag or whatsoever, but I managed to wake up approximately 5 am EVERY morning (with Kak Long's help and by myself). It is considered my dorm. Since I hate being late, especially to the Surau, I take a deep breath and walk alone at 5.30 am to the Surau.

What a beautiful coincidence. This is the KEY of my locker. 0702 is the number of that key (obviously). 0702 is equal to 7 FEBRUARY, right? Hey, it's my BIRTHDAY! Wow.

Lia and Jiha. Beautiful ~

Nina and Me. Smile ~

Friendship. I'm not easily attached to other people but at some points, I can be very friendly. I can be very talkative, sometime. It depends. I don't have much friends, but  each friend possesses the meaningful value to me.In my point of view, in friendship, quality is way more important than quantity. Hey there, friends, thanks for the memories. Good or bad, they've become memories. As usual, first impression is always wrong. Haha. Don't judge a book by its cover, okay? There's always something more behind those cover. Everybody's wearing a masquerade (or you can call it image) to create impressive first impression but hey, I'm glad we had built trust towards each other just so we could reveal the masquerade :)

Lija, Dayah, Kak Long, Qema, Eg, Lia, Jiha, Tihah, Syahera, Nadiah, Alia, Dilah, Ika, Fatin, Nurin, Kak Dayah, Ina, Teddy Bear, Syarifah, Tan Eu Reen, Fazira, Ramlah, Nina, Diana and Tirah.

Kak Long and Qema. Whoopss.... that's our dorm Bourgenvilla :D


RANDOM. I would never forget the pressure of being a director in performing an acting for 'Seloka'. Even though we didn't win, we had done our BEST, so, thanks, guys. I take that as a compliment when several peeps (including the teacher) thought I'm from a SMKA when I'm technically from SMK. You know what I mean, aren't you? I would never ever miss the endless roll call.............. it was so boring. Not to mention, the sirens! Ugh. And yeah, I would never forget the 'mini concert' in dorm orkid where I strummed the black guitar (Yaya's guitar) to the song 2NE1's I Don't Care. Teehee. Kak Long, I'm glad I have you as someone to look up to. We talked about so many things. You are so beautiful on the inside and outside. You have no idea how much I want to be a part of Usrah (at PLKN), but I can't because I have to further my study. Keep doing what you're doing, Kak Long! Yeah, I miss my bed (with pink sheets) and my locker!

PLKN. Thank you for teaching me the most remarkable thing which is - PATIENT.

So Random

1. So Random is a comedy sketch in Sonny With A Chance (2009). The show is soooooo hilarious. Especially DEMI LOVATO, as Sonny. They only have 2 seasons, though. Demi had to stop filming that show for some reasons. I re-watched 12 episodes last night! Whoa. 

2. Sonny and Chad is the cutest, adorable couple, ever. I can't get over them. They are so perfect for each other. Chad's arrogant, self-centered personality meets down-to-earth, sweet, Sonny is simply perfect. They argue, most of the times. Hiding their feelings for each other. But, it's just so OBVIOUS. Btw, I already wrote about them, back then..... HERE, CLICK!

They argue. They make up. I want to have someone to say, "Good. Good. Fine. Fine." too >,<
Credit: Tumblr
3. Chad's REAL name is STERLING KNIGHT. Yeah. Sterling. Sparkling. Haha. I like his unique name. And yeah, he possesses two BLUE, sparkle eyes. Like how Sonny said to him.., to the point that she lost in his beautiful eyes. I kept repeating that scene. I was laughing so hard.

4. Chad and Sonny is just so SWEET. Like Jamie and Landon. Ron and Hermione. Harry and Ginny. Chuck and Blair. Edward and Bella. Enrique and Go Dok Mi. Kyohei and Sunako. Dian and Harris. Domyouji and Makino. My favourite on-screen couple xD

5. Tomorrow is the expired date of my RM15 voucher of BODY SHOP. Well, I bet you're going to be like, so what? Only RM15, mehhh. But, if I purchase a Chocomania Lip Butter which costs RM26, I'll only pay RM11 with the voucher!!! 

6. I attend SEWING CLASS for 4 times a week. Duration? 3 hours. And it's FUN. But well, since the PLKN is calling me, I only have less than a month to attend that class. Means, I couldn't make it until I can really sew clothes. Tak sempat. Because we all start from the basic. And I'm a bit late. It's always been my dream to sew my own outfits, like dresses, skirts and all that.

7. I want my fourteen-year-old skin back. It wasn't that flawless. But it's much better than my current skin condition. I'm sick of people (my family and relatives) keep commenting about my blemished skin. It's not my fault. Blame the HORMONES. I always cleanse, tone and moisturize my skin twice a day. BODY SHOP, it's been 3 months already.......... Help me.

8. Learning Hangul (Korean alphabet). Learn how to read, write and pronounce. NOT how to understand them. It's exhilarating because I LOVE listening to Korean songs, copying the Hangul lyrics through the internet, then I try to write the romanization (the pronunciation). But, it's still depressing because I don't understand the meaning! But now, the pens are running out of ink..... so, I need a Pen..................................

9. My so-called fashion scrapbook is neglected. And why is that? I need a pen............................................. and a glue. 

10. This is so immature. Out of all things which are ..... 'thinkable' (lol), I'm thinking and considering whether I should bring my iPod Nano to the PLKN or not. I need music. I need soundtrack for my moment. Music is my TIME MACHINE. But I'm afraid I might lost it if I bring it. My dilemma. Seriously, Demona......... SERIOUSLY?

11. SPM's RESULT....................................................... no need to say anything. Those TWO words already make my stomach SCREAMS, involuntarily. I'm hoping for the BEST. 

12. Tomorrow, I'll try to drink water EVERY hour. I'll try. It's good for the skin. Tehee.

13. I'm so lazy, these days. But then, again, I keep complaining about my waistline and how depressing my body is. I'm not fat. I'm not skinny, either. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy. I want to get rid of those fats. I'll try to cycle MORE. And yeah, I'm learning this choreography by this JPOP song, GALAXIAS. Yeah. JPOP.

14. I'm craving for CHOCOLATE. Seriously, Demona? I thought you want to shred some fats. Not gaining them.

15. I'm waiting, anxiously, for Demi Lovato's FOURTH album. I LOVE her so much! Oh, right. I gotta buy her debut album.

16. Not so random anymore. That's it.



I just haven't met YOU yet

A scene where he asks her for a date in A Walk To Remember. The beautiful movie that I can watch over and over again without getting bored (:

The thing is, yes, I'm not allowed to date. If in this movie, it's mainly because her strict father is the one who forbids her from dating, but in my life, let's just say I'm protecting myself from those heart-broken incident by avoiding this love thingy. I'm not perfect. I'm just a human. BOYS annoy me, most of the time. I'm fuming and disgusted when they're telling me I'm cute, and all that. Ugh. I'm sorry if you're offended but honestly, that's what I feel. I'm just going to love myself, first. So, I don't think I deserve to love anyone yet. Just not yet. 

Yeah. I had been through those lovesick thingy back then. I had my first crush. I had my immature, puppy love. And I went through this painful, unrequited love. My friends and my own experience taught me that involving myself into finding my other half is just so immature and there's no guarantee that I'm going to secure the happily-ever-after ending. These days, it seems as if love is all about telling sweet nothings, chatting, dating, holding hands, advertising their whole love story to the whole world and only just to end up getting hurt...... if they're not meant for each other. Not to mention how 'sweet' their appearance towards each other which actually turns out to be a facade. Pretending. Acting. Simply because they prefer to appear PERFECT in front of their loved ones.... instead of being themselves. Is that LOVE?

Yeah. I know right. Life is all about taking risks in attempt for a whole new happiness. But, come on. You're just wasting your time and you know it. There's definitely something more risky and better waiting for you to be discovered. Life's too short for you to cry over someone who's not worth it.

That's why Islam is exceptionally beautiful. In Islam, there is no such thing as couple, whatsoever. And again, Love is our natural tendency. Fitrah. As a human. The solution of this is definitely marriage. Allah knows what's best, so He protects us from falling prey into the trap set up by the devil. He protects us from being deceived by our hearts. And I believe in Him. If we haven't met with our other half yet, it's because He knows that we aren't ready yet. Because we have our own priority and obligation. Because we need to improve, reflex and prepare ourselves. Only then, when we meet our soulmate, we are deserved to say, '_____________ completes me'. 

Cinta dusta, dijalin tanpa sebarang ikatan yang sah. Resah. Curiga. Khianat.
Indahnya cinta selepas bernikah. Tenang. Percaya. Setia. 

FATIMAH SYARHA - Sebarkan Cinta-Mu 

p/s: I'm deeply sorry if you're offended by my words. I'm only trying to express my pent-up impression towards what's happening around me.  


Source: D-Unit's Missing You MV
Kemarahan. Fitrah manusia. Wajar diuruskan dengan baik.   Screw it. God, I just cannot write in Bahasa Melayu. I just cannot. 

Anger. Frustrated. Devastated. Disappointed. Confused. Insecure. Inferior. 

I'ts March. Bloody March. Or 4th March to be exact. Is it okay to say I'm frustrated because I was expecting Demi Lovato to release her album today, and yet she didn't? Is it safe to say not getting what I want even after asking for so many times infuriate me? Is it a bad thing to say that PLKN is completely (or almost) irrelevant for saying hello to me, right NOW? Is it a crime to let the insecurity empowers me when it comes to my vague future? 

Too many questions, too little time.

Yeah. Like how my other friends did, I also took a driving license. I went to the workshop. Listening. Laughing. Thinking. Daydreaming. Writing. Then I strive for the exam and yeah, I got 48/50 ....and it wasn't effortless because I studied as if I was preparing for nerve-wracking exam (reminded me to SPM, which was horrendous). Then again, I entered the theory class and met my ex-classmate when I was 7. He approached me and said he recognized me because I'm Anis Nadhirah's friend and dancing partner. We talked and talked, awkwardly. But it's alright.

Then, here we go. The first time ever meeting with the teacher who's going to teach me how to drive (obviously). And I didn't like him. Not even the slightest bit. I couldn't help it. I knew he was a teacher, so it gave him a right to tell me what's wrong and what's right. But, he said so many hurtful things about me, myself and I. About how weak I am. How motionless I am. How embarrassing I acted by making stupid mistakes (God, it was my first time T.T)  Well, at first, I could just bear for the sake of it. He was a teacher. So he should say something for me to rectify my problem. Until that moment, that very moment, when he said I ruined his plan by making slow progress, I SHOULD'NT TAKE DRIVING LICENSE BECAUSE I WASN'T READY and I WAS THE FIRST STUDENT THAT WAS SO DAMN NERVOUS AND COWARD in the SECOND HOUR of driving car. It hit me. Real. Hard. Keep holding the tears. Don't cry, girl. Don't. 

I went home with tears, helplessly. I locked myself in my room and cried my heart out. I was so scared. So insecure. So terrified. I refused to learn driving again simply because I was scared of things I don't even know. Driving on the road made me feel so exposed to the point that it felt surreal. God. First time is always the hardest. I gave up. I loathed driving. Even when my mom told me I was going to get a new teacher in the future, I still felt insecure. And anger. Wrath. Those harsh words were too .... harsh. Haunting me, until now. 

Then I had this courage. This exceptional courage from Him. And I believe He answered my prayer through this courage that I got from my family and friends. I'm going to try again. I'm going to drive again. With my father's help, I learned how to drive properly. No rushing. No harsh words, telling me I cannot do this and that. He's always there. The teacher's words keep ringing in my ears, but then I simply just ....... SHUT UP and drive.  

Oh yeah. I'll get a new teacher. Maybe it wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't give high expectation. I need a teacher who can accept me making mistakes., shoot., how am I going to learn if I don't make mistakes? That's it.

And yeah. I drive and drive till I run into PLKN. PLKN wanted me to stop driving for now. Because I'm going to PLKN this 31st, March, 2013. Great. Just great. Ugh. And yeah, I'm not going to stop driving, I'm just going to take a break from accelerating towards 'P' license. 

p/s: I'm not blaming him. Maybe it's just me. No chemistry. I cannot help it. And yeah, maybe I'm just scared.



I don't know how to begin.

It's just that, I feel like giving up. I feel like running away. Well, at least, there is a person who glads I disappear from here. 
I feel like giving up blogging, for now because day by day, I feel the urge to write about the pain that I feel. I'm afraid I might write about something so stupid that I'll become ashamed of, in the future. In the end, I will hurt the people that I love, because of my selfish action. Seems like a small matter to you, but, it's a big deal to me.
The same thing keeps coming back to me for years. It feels like forever. I have no one to run too. I hate myself for having none.
So yeah. I'm leaving from here. I feel like I'm betrayed, judged and punished for something's out of my reach. So please. Forgive me. If I was wrong.

I'll be back ..... if I'm ready. 

Eternal Peace. Now smile, girl. 



Album Review?

Warning: This entry contains .............. KPOP. Take it or leave it.

I wouldn't call this as album review. I'm doing this to show my LOVE towards 2YOON. Their album is really AWESOME and total EARGASM as a Kpop fan, like me :p

I've always been a fan of 4Minute. I've always love this group as a WHOLE. For instance, I'm liking D-Unit for their addictive, R&B music, SPICA for strong vocals, SNSD for their flawless, beauty, look, and BoA for her amazing dance skill. 

But 4Minute, I simply love their music, down-to-earth attitude, natural look (they claimed that none of them has had any plastic surgery), dancing skill and ............... they're pretty close with BEAST because they both under same management which is CUBE ENTERTAINMENT. So yeah. No matter what they say, I still love these girls. 

So when 2YOON (sub-unit of 4Minute which consists of gaYOON and jiYOON) debuted, I could not help but anticipate it! Both of them are the main vocals of 4Minute. I adore Gayoon's sweet sweet voice and Jiyoon's badass, cutesy voice (especially when she screams lol). FYI, SUB-UNIT is usually formed so that the sub-unit can produce music with something different than their group in terms of genre, theme and all that.

Kpop group and its sub-unit:
Girls Generation - TaeTiSeo
Sistar - Sistar19
Rainbow - Rainbow Pixie
Infinite - Infinite H
After School - Orange Caramel

When they came up with the COUNTRY theme ..... I was like ...... What? I'm not a fan of country music (except Tay Swift, of course). Somehow it was unique and completely different from other kpop groups. To be exact, their album's name is HARVEST MOON! Ahhhh.... it reminded me to my favourite game during my childhood. 

And this is the MOST stunning, beautiful, gorgeous album cover .... ever (at least, that's what I think). 

Gayoon and Jiyoon. Credit: Allkpop

The song 24/7 isn't bad, though. It consists of this distinct, country feel (the musical instruments and the setting for their MV) and the familiar sense of KPOP (the song). They show their CUTE side (which is different from 4Minute) through their outfits and choreography. I like this song, but I don't really LOVE it. I prefer 4Minute's Volume Up, though. 

WHY NOT - Listening to the intro, first thing that occurred to me was , "HARDCORE. WOW." and yeah, it sounds like it could possibly be an ANIME theme song, like, seriously. When Jiyoon hit, "Why Not", it sounds extremely exhilarating to the point that she unintentionally transfers goosebumps to me. 

Gayoon and Jiyoon. Credit: Google
NIGHTMARE - The title says it all. It's an emotional, ballad, hauntingly-beautiful song. Gayoon's sweet vocal, Jiyoon's rap ............. and the mysterious back-up girl (she sounds like SPICA's Boa, which is real GOOD). BTOB Ilhoon's rap completed this song. Enough said.

 쎄쎄쎄 (Se Se Se) - Firstly, I have no idea what Se Se Se even means.The intro reminds me to a song by G.Na - Drop It. But this song is really addictive. This is the kind of song that I'll never get tired of listening to. I love this genre (R&B, I guess) and the way Jiyoon says "I Love You" is so ...... alluring. Haha.

BLACK SWAN - I think Black Swan refers to their beauty, strong, intimidating attitude. Love the addictive BEAT. Jiyoon's rap at the beginning is awesome, as usual. When Gayoon's sing the chorus part, it's just simply idyllic and it becomes the climax to this song (to me) to the point that I hit repeat.
Especially this part "Raise your head, Black Swan. Now, smile, Black Swan".

Shoot. 4Minute should make songs, like this. Wait. NO. It doesn't suit 4Minute, though. Only 2YOON can pull it off. Now, I'm waiting for 4Minute's comeback. I admire how they constantly change (in a good way) in order to present 4Nia (4Minute's fan) something new, something BETTER. 

4Minute in Hanbok. So Beautiful! Credit: Google.

And this article from ALLKPOP causes me to let out an involuntary gasp of amazement! Woah.

2YOON has revealed that their secret to weight loss these days is practicing the choreography of their song, “24/7“!
Jiyoon shared, “You can call it a ‘diet dance’. We really lost a lot of weight. There are definitely noticeable results. Gayoon has seen crazy results.”
Gayoon then rolled up her sleeves and showed her ‘nano-wrists’ showing the effect she experienced with choreography practice. “If you dance ’24/7′ just two times, you start sweating a lot. That is why we said among ourselves that ‘Volume Up’s choreography was easy [compared to '24/7'].”
She continued, “We really sweat a lot. I want to start an aerobics center with Jiyoon and let people know about it. Compared to my promotional activities for ‘Volume Up’, I lost 8 kg (~17.6 lbs.). All of my pants are big right now. All of my outfits don’t fit. I have to get them resized. Even the smallest size clothing and pants, I have to tailor the sleeves and wear it.” However, to assure fans that may be worried, she commented, “There is nothing wrong with my health. You don’t have to worry.”
2YOON further stated, “Although there are fans who worry about our health, we are exercising and managing our diet so you don’t have to worry. We are very healthy.”

Gayoon. Credit: Google.

Okay. I gotta go. Gonna learn this dance routine. Gonna lose some weight (like Gayoon, lol). Bye, for now.

This Little Girl

Let's be honest. There is a monster in my closet. I've been wiping my tears over it for quite some times. Yeah. I'm a crybaby. I'm sensitive. I even cry over something achingly-mean words that someone uttered to me for, like, 6 years ago. I always manage to find this concrete reason to sob (in a bad way). They say, you can get addicted to certain kind of sadness. Ugh.

Somewhere, somehow, this little girl slightly make things better to me. She is a definition of cuteness overload (at least, to me). I just simply stare at her for no reasons just so she'll ask me why do I keep staring at her. I couldn't help laughing when she presented her dorky side. Pinching her puffy cheek somehow becoming a routine. 

And this little girl wouldn't stay 'little' forever. So, I'm going to capture her, and let her 'little girl' moment stay ..... forever with my finger-knitting accessory for her black, shiny hair. 

Even though some people consider her dark skin as a flaw, I deny it (secretly to myself) because I am naturally quite dark too and trust me, life wouldn't be FUN without colours. I mean, come on, I find the world would be intimidating and boring when ALL the walks of life are completely the same. Come on. Just appreciate God's creation, already. He knows what's BEST. Just because certain physical looks don't meet your expectation or taste, please, don't turn them into laughing stock. Everybody is BEAUTIFUL in different way.

I taught her how to finger-knitting and at first, of course, she was immersed and couldn't put it down. But now, she doesn't seem interested to continue the finger-knitting T_____T
Whoa. This little girl does not stick to one interest only, mehh.

And yeah. This little girl is my little sister which is only 10, this year. She just reached 10 for the past few days. Happy belated birthday, girl.

p/s: Good thing I write in English. So that she wouldn't fully understand what I write. Hehehehe. 

The Morning Walk

This morning. For the first time, I decided to walk to the beach (yes, walk) and jog (which means, mostly walking) along the beach ........ ALONE. It has been raining for days (I'm at Besut, Terengganu, so yeah), and today, it's quite sunny. I miss the sun. 

This is it. iPod Nano 7th generation. Some peeps think this design is ugly. First impression matters. I find it is exceptionally gorgeous and ..... cute. It looks like a mini iPhone. Enough said. Source : Google

Look, um, actually iPod Nano really helps me to start walking, jogging and yeah it motivates me. It is specified with this Nike application and .... MUSIC to keep me feel alive. I bought this iPod last year, in the middle of SPM, when I had TWO critical papers left (Chem and Bio). I didn't plan to buy it so soon, but I just ran into this iPod when I was wandering (and shopping) in KB Mall, and yeah, I already made a research before buying it (to ensure it occupies my need), and I actually planned to purchase it at KL, hehe. The adrenaline rushed through my veins and I just simply purchased it (with my parents money, of course). And it's worth it. That night, I transferred my songs into the iPod ... even though SPM was not even coming to an end. But then, I put aside my iPod, and kept my focus (:

SONY MP3 WALKMAN. Mine is the PINK one, for sure.  Source : Google

I still remember the SONY MP3 that I asked my dad to buy it for me because I got a good result for my UPSR. For 1GB, it costed RM299. But it was real GOOD. The BASS and all that. But I hate the fact that I had to install the software (which was hard, for me, at 12). And now, I have no idea where is that mp3 (ugh). Meanwhile iPod Nano costs RM529 for ...... 16GB! Installing iTunes is much easier, btw. And you can watch vids, place some memorable pics, Nike application (for Fitness) and all that. I even managed to transfer ALL of Demi Lovato's songs in her albums that I own for years. Without hesitation, I just greedily downloaded ALL of Bridgit Mendler's songs and transfer them into my iPod. Before this, I used to listen to music thru my phone, (can't live without music, but, can breathe without phone), and with only 2GB, it was such a torture to delete songs, just so I could add new songs. So, I am thankful for my parents for their understanding towards my inseparable addiction which is MUSIC. iPod Nano is simply perfect for me to run, jog and dance because it is so light compared to my phone or even iPod Touch. And I just LOVE it.

So, Here we go. A one-hour trip to the beach in the morning. Don't expect me to run 10km or something, I am only getting started. And yeah. I am the 'Kampung Girl', mehhhh. I was just enjoying the 'Kampung' serene view ~

It's 7.35 a.m. (I guess), the gate is locked. Left. Right. The coast is clear. Jump. Yeah. Jump. 

iPod Nano 7th Generation. PINK. Name: DEMONA72

Fitness, yeah.
The songs in my playlist (for this MORNING WALK):
Animal - SNSD
Hurricane - Bridgit Mendler
Wake Up - Anthony Neely
Lose Your Mind - BoA
Hurry Up And Save Me - Tiffany Giardina

Good Morning. Hello, SUN. Long time no see. I miss you (:

Can you spot the birds?

Way to go. Lalala ~

Assalamualaikum ya ahli kubur ~

Yeah. Finally. I can see the beach. It's calling me. Let's go.

Getting closer. And closer.


Faster and faster.
Step. Step. Step.


This is the result of those heavy rains, I guess. 

Hey, sunshine!

So. I took around 0.4 hours (24 minutes) to walk from my home to the beach.  2364 steps are equal of ALL steps that I did on previous days.

Or to be exact ..........

2333 steps (refer to steps for this morning) ? Wow. 


You better run. 
So yeah. I started running at 8.09 am and stopped at 8.28 am .... Gahhhh, I was lazy  and exhausted and breathless after  a 24-minute walk (alasan. ciss)

After inhaling and exhaling, I decided to walk to my home. Feeling thirsty. Feeling hungry. My legs were not walking anymore, they were being dragged, instead. And the journey was still long (at least, for me).

2465 steps (journey from the beach to my home). Cool.

Then I'm home. The end :D

Overall, my journey was 66 minutes, from walking to the beach, running along the beach and walking to my home. Fuhhh. Wait. Only 233 calories!! Oh no!! Come on. It was tiring, man.
p/s: This isn't enough. Running isn't enough to shred some pounds. I need some dancing, some weight lifting to burn those fats!