The Real

I just sent my power point presentation part to my course mate. It only took me an hour and half to finish it but I had been procrastinating it for days. Silly me. Grow up. Well, it's a mid-semester break, what do you expect? 

Every time I feel the urge to sigh or complaint as I'm completing my assignments, I would always remind myself that I'm loving what I'm doing. I keep saying to myself, "I've always wanted to learn linguistic" , "Learning animation aka flash SHOULD be interesting and I'm supposed to feel thrilled," and "Editing poster is my ultimate hobby,". Alhamdulillah. I should always remind myself to be grateful for this bliss. 

This is random but these days, I can't help to binge-watching THE REAL clips in YouTube. 

 

I recognize Jeannie as the lively, energetic host from How Do I Look? . I just admire her way of spreading positive vibes to the guests in the show. Then I saw Adrienne, a flash of The Cheetah Girls song occurred to me. Yes, that's simply because she was one the Cheetah Girls. She's a fierce, gorgeous Latina woman. Ugh she's so gorgeous I just can't describe it further. FYI, Tamera has a twin sister where both of them starred as Alex and Cam in Disney's Twitches. 

What I love about this talk show is that they're so genuine, witty and so ... REAL. Upon watching the clips, they make me feel like I'm prying into a group of girls who are having a deep conversation aka girls talk during a sleepover party. They share secrets, give advices, shed some tears and laugh out loud (duh). They're not afraid to be open to each other (and not to mention, the audience). Well, I've watched several talk shows, but The Real is the most realistic and relatable. They're practically sisters!

Now

Hello there, it's been a while.

I'm approaching halfway of my semester, yeay! Mid-semester break is getting closer (next weekend, to be exact). 

So far, I've suffered designer's block few times (where I could stare into the Adobe Photoshop software for hours without getting any posters done), managed to ace 3 presentations in 2 weeks, learned new things about flash, recorded a lot of videos, captured a lot of photos, splurged in Converse clearance sale, ate Sushi King's Bento almost every week, goes for evening walk (6-8 km) at least twice a week and watched several live acoustic shows and theaters. 

There's something about the evening walk. I would normally start walking around 5.30 PM until 7 PM. I just walked and walked around USM, wandering aimlessly (nay, I set my target and direction mentally). There's something about walking on my own while listening to some music. I met random people. Then we said hello and talked randomly. But that's not the whole point. I'm actually training my self-confidence (walking alone and IDGAD what they think about me), endurance and sense of alertness. I used to train myself not to look people on the eyes and listen to the words uttered by strangers. I practiced 'ignorance' for years (for some reasons I can't tell you why). So, this might be the time that I can practise to acknowledge people around me (Sometime my friends are offended when they say 'Hi' but I don't respond because I don't notice them). And I love the serenity but I try not to let it goes my way. 

Unfortunately, I got hit by a motorcycle once when I was crossing the road. Thanks God it was just a minor bruise on my leg. It happened because I did not see nor hear the motorcycle behind me (I plugged my earphones, listening to Kehlani of course). I've learned my lesson. I'll try to be more careful/alert next time. 

Oh right, I know that March is about to come to an end, but here's a video to sum up my February. 

Blessing in a disguise?

I just got here (USM) after a morning flight. Something unexpected happened when I opened my door. I was not expecting a roommate because I knew she was in internship. So nope, not roommate. I expected the room to be empty.

When I opened the door, with my guitar, hanging on my shoulder, I saw 'THIS' right in front of my eyes. What the heck is that? I just wanted to rest. I was sweaty for crying out loud. Penang is real hot.

My first instinct was insisting me to cut down the whole hanging thing. But then I thought about the flying insects that might ambush me for destroying their so-called home. What if they sting me while I sleep. What if? What if? I was so stressed. There are hundreds of other windows, but why they (whatever they are) chose to be here. Why me?

While I was walking to the cafe to buy my lunch, I was thinking about why God put me through this. Why me? Why me? Then this thought came across my mind. I'm sure I've read it somewhere and it sounds like this: 

If you didn't complain and ask 'why me?' to God when it's you're the one who receives excellent grades, outstanding achievement and happiness, then do NOT feel disappointed and ask 'why me?' when you're feeling burdensome, sad and depressed while others don't. 

Then I heard a bird sounds. Then I saw this cute, yellow, little bird came out of it. It turned out to be a bird's nest. I sighed of relief. Alhamdulillah.

I'm 21 and she's married

I was officially 21 on 7th Feb 2016. God, I still feel like 19. I don't even want to be 20. That so-called golden age kind of intimidated me. Most adults would always say that 20s is the BEST time of our lives. But what if, mine happens to be quite mundane, dull or worse, stagnant? I'm feeling stagnant honestly (in various aspects). 

'God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. ... But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark? - Lost Stars by Keira Knightley

We're young, clueless, dreamers, bursting with energy, burning with passion in our eyes and dreaming of thousands of possibilities. But why we're wasting the youth on the young? 

Oh, right. My sister was officially someone's wife on 7th February 2016. They met around 7 years ago and somehow I can say there was 'spark' from there on. haha. And now, here we go, they're officially married. And there's me, 21 and single (not that I'm complaining). 

omg they look like sisters!

This frame is wayyyy better than typical guestbook that would most probably be left unread.

Yeap I designed this for this avid runners/hikers couple.

And.......... here's a video!

I don't know man, the preparation for this wedding (not marriage) seems so 'leceh'. I was never a fan of wedding, I guess. Yes, I've attended countless weddings (being flower girls and 'pengapit' since I was 4) and back then, I kind of anticipated of sitting on the grand dais with my significant one like 'raja sehari'. But then now, after knowing how much money my parents and my sister 'sacrificed' for the sake of this wedding (it's not even THAT grand), I was utterly flabbergasted. All that for a WEDDING? I rather spend it for marriage. Everything is costly now, I don't feel like getting married. pffft

I respect Margo (from Paper Town) for her strong will to break free from the stereotype that people are expected to one day get into college, secure a job and settle down in a marriage. She refuses to live that way. She's a free soul, she's still wondering and wandering. She's excited for what's next. She does not let that typical people expectation get in her way. Well, that's amazing even though I've never actually met people like Margo in real life. I wish I am as brave as her to lead my life the way I want to instead of letting people bugging me (about marriage, job, etc). 

Well, in my case, it's easy to say that I don't set marriage as a part of my life journey because I haven't found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone fall in love. But still, I regard marriage as a journey which is not meant for everyone and it's not a destination. Who knows, death might be closer to me? 

My priority are upgrading myself, finding my passion and feeding my wanderlust before I decide to settle down. Now, I'm 21 and single and lost. But someday, I might be 32 and single and happy and blessed. I hope I can stay strong not to let people judgments to affect my life decision. 

p/s: My brother is giving me the green light to 'langkah bendul' because he's attempting to follow my father's footstep of getting married in his 30s. Ugh, who says I'm planning to get married ASAP? Calm down, bro. You might want to take back your words. 

Wildest Dream

Travel. 

Who doesn't want to travel? 

As I was scrolling my Instagram feed, I saw few school friends who are currently studying overseas posting a bunch of photos. I don't have to explain what kinds of photos they post, right? You know the drill. Snow. Exquisite panorama. Foreigner friends. Historical monuments. Delicacies. 

I love seeing those photos. There's no slightest envious feeling arouse in me honestly. Mainly because I never truly dream of studying overseas. I did apply to study TESL in New Zealand, expecting straight A's would ease the application (I didn't apply other scholarships because they did not offer my preference course), but uh, I didn't get the offer. Alhamdulillah, because I believe Allah's plan is always better than mine. For some reasons, I rather dream of travelling overseas rather than studying.

I'm not choosy. I don't dream of going to Paris, because even a trip to Hatyai would excite me. It's a perk of NOT simply being able to travel outside of Malaysia (because I can't afford it or I'm not trying hard enough to grasp the opportunity) makes me appreciate the value and the moments of being in places away from home. 

If I have a lot of cash right now, I'll plan a journey to somewhere (nope, won't tell you) or maybe I won't plan, I'll just go instead. This feeling of wanderlust is overwhelming. I feel like travelling, wandering on my own. I know as a woman, I should be accompanied whenever I'm off to somewhere, but um, I rather be on my own. I don't want to talk with anyone. I don't want to entertain you. I don't want to listen to your complaint about how uncomfortable the toilet in the cheap hotel. I just want to walk for miles, drinking in the view (pffff I'm influenced by the poem by Robert Frost called Stopping By the Woods), sipping in the nonchalant atmosphere, getting lost in the moment of chaos and indulging the cultures. I feel like I'm missing out a lot of things by not travelling and leaving my comfort zone. Yeap, I'm 20 and young but I should start planning, right?

Perhaps one day, I could look back on this day when I wrote this post, and reflected that I used to have this wildest dream of going to travel somewhere. Then I would breathe a sigh of satisfaction because I made it happen. insyaAllah.