I'm 21 and she's married

I was officially 21 on 7th Feb 2016. God, I still feel like 19. I don't even want to be 20. That so-called golden age kind of intimidated me. Most adults would always say that 20s is the BEST time of our lives. But what if, mine happens to be quite mundane, dull or worse, stagnant? I'm feeling stagnant honestly (in various aspects). 

'God, tell us the reason youth is wasted on the young. ... But are we all lost stars, trying to light up the dark? - Lost Stars by Keira Knightley

We're young, clueless, dreamers, bursting with energy, burning with passion in our eyes and dreaming of thousands of possibilities. But why we're wasting the youth on the young? 

Oh, right. My sister was officially someone's wife on 7th February 2016. They met around 7 years ago and somehow I can say there was 'spark' from there on. haha. And now, here we go, they're officially married. And there's me, 21 and single (not that I'm complaining). 

omg they look like sisters!

This frame is wayyyy better than typical guestbook that would most probably be left unread.

Yeap I designed this for this avid runners/hikers couple.

And.......... here's a video!

I don't know man, the preparation for this wedding (not marriage) seems so 'leceh'. I was never a fan of wedding, I guess. Yes, I've attended countless weddings (being flower girls and 'pengapit' since I was 4) and back then, I kind of anticipated of sitting on the grand dais with my significant one like 'raja sehari'. But then now, after knowing how much money my parents and my sister 'sacrificed' for the sake of this wedding (it's not even THAT grand), I was utterly flabbergasted. All that for a WEDDING? I rather spend it for marriage. Everything is costly now, I don't feel like getting married. pffft

I respect Margo (from Paper Town) for her strong will to break free from the stereotype that people are expected to one day get into college, secure a job and settle down in a marriage. She refuses to live that way. She's a free soul, she's still wondering and wandering. She's excited for what's next. She does not let that typical people expectation get in her way. Well, that's amazing even though I've never actually met people like Margo in real life. I wish I am as brave as her to lead my life the way I want to instead of letting people bugging me (about marriage, job, etc). 

Well, in my case, it's easy to say that I don't set marriage as a part of my life journey because I haven't found someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, let alone fall in love. But still, I regard marriage as a journey which is not meant for everyone and it's not a destination. Who knows, death might be closer to me? 

My priority are upgrading myself, finding my passion and feeding my wanderlust before I decide to settle down. Now, I'm 21 and single and lost. But someday, I might be 32 and single and happy and blessed. I hope I can stay strong not to let people judgments to affect my life decision. 

p/s: My brother is giving me the green light to 'langkah bendul' because he's attempting to follow my father's footstep of getting married in his 30s. Ugh, who says I'm planning to get married ASAP? Calm down, bro. You might want to take back your words. 

Wildest Dream

Travel. 

Who doesn't want to travel? 

As I was scrolling my Instagram feed, I saw few school friends who are currently studying overseas posting a bunch of photos. I don't have to explain what kinds of photos they post, right? You know the drill. Snow. Exquisite panorama. Foreigner friends. Historical monuments. Delicacies. 

I love seeing those photos. There's no slightest envious feeling arouse in me honestly. Mainly because I never truly dream of studying overseas. I did apply to study TESL in New Zealand, expecting straight A's would ease the application (I didn't apply other scholarships because they did not offer my preference course), but uh, I didn't get the offer. Alhamdulillah, because I believe Allah's plan is always better than mine. For some reasons, I rather dream of travelling overseas rather than studying.

I'm not choosy. I don't dream of going to Paris, because even a trip to Hatyai would excite me. It's a perk of NOT simply being able to travel outside of Malaysia (because I can't afford it or I'm not trying hard enough to grasp the opportunity) makes me appreciate the value and the moments of being in places away from home. 

If I have a lot of cash right now, I'll plan a journey to somewhere (nope, won't tell you) or maybe I won't plan, I'll just go instead. This feeling of wanderlust is overwhelming. I feel like travelling, wandering on my own. I know as a woman, I should be accompanied whenever I'm off to somewhere, but um, I rather be on my own. I don't want to talk with anyone. I don't want to entertain you. I don't want to listen to your complaint about how uncomfortable the toilet in the cheap hotel. I just want to walk for miles, drinking in the view (pffff I'm influenced by the poem by Robert Frost called Stopping By the Woods), sipping in the nonchalant atmosphere, getting lost in the moment of chaos and indulging the cultures. I feel like I'm missing out a lot of things by not travelling and leaving my comfort zone. Yeap, I'm 20 and young but I should start planning, right?

Perhaps one day, I could look back on this day when I wrote this post, and reflected that I used to have this wildest dream of going to travel somewhere. Then I would breathe a sigh of satisfaction because I made it happen. insyaAllah. 

Colours

Whenever my mom goes for vacation with my father, she would come home with tons of souvenirs. I have an older sister and a younger sister, so, she would buy similar clothes for us with distinct patterns. Their (my sisters) outfits' patterns would ALWAYS be the normal, ordinary, simple looking ones which is completely different from mine. Last time, my mom went to Hatyai and bought us pants. Their pants' colours are black and brown with flower, artsy patterns respectively. Mine? HAHA. You bet. It's a COLOURFUL, RAINBOW-ISH pants. Very vibrant. I also remember that she also bought me a pair of Bob-Marley-ish-colours pants which is very very colourful.

Me: Mom, why do you always buy me some very colourful, odd looking pants?

Mom: In Hatyai, when I went to shop for souvenirs, I came across the colourful pants that you're wearing now. But I didn't buy it yet. I went to survey other souvenirs in somewhere else. But then I remembered you. A flash of your face occurred to me when I thought about the pants. Hence, I walked all the way back to the shop that sold the pants which was quite far. I was willing to walk that far because I thought about you.

Me: *speechless (then find out that mom did not really answer my question)

Guess my style is just simply unique and different. Thanks, mom.

She bought this Bob Marley ish pants at Pasar Payang, Kuala Terengganu.

oh right, maybe I might as well share a little bit of my photos in Perhentian Island. I've reached 20 years old, but I've never been to that island even though a car ride to the jetty takes only 7 minutes from my home. Hah. So I went there with my girls friends, a sister and a cousin last year during our semester break.

 

 

Here's a video of us in Perhentian Island. Due to copyrighted issue, you can only watch it through your laptop, not smartphones :(

Of Friends and Escapism

In less than 11 hours from now, I will encounter a literature paper in the examination hall (obviously). But, of course, I choose to blog instead of reviewing the poems tonight.

our little rendezvous~

The thing is, I can't wait to answer the paper and then 'escape' with a good friend of mine (you know who you are). We tend to go out (A LOT) whenever we're ravenous, bored or stressed. We both are fascinated with the ideas of the word - introverts. Despite the fact that we're both introverts, she would do most of the talking (call for delivery, talk to strangers mostly) because I wouldn't (social anxiety hits me). Because we're so quiet in class, but secretly we talk about bizarre things (most people wouldn't expect that) to each other. Our frequent visits to the books stores is healing. Obviously, we love books and .... movies. There is no awkward silence between us. Silence is good - as long as there's music! Sometime we would argue, most of the times because I get offended easily. Then everything would be fine. That's normal, I guess. I don't want a shallow, fake friendship where we just smile and talk nice things and that's it. 

I don't have a lot of friends. That does not mean that I'm a bad person (get to know me first before judging me yes please). Perhaps making friends is not my forte. I can count how many close friends I have. I value them and I still keep in touch with them. I gain some. I even lose some. Once they stop making an effort to keep in touch with me (you know like do not even bother to meet me, talk to me or reply my messages) I would stop too. If you can't even keep up a conversation with me, why do we even call ourselves as best friends? I'm thankful for those who stay. The fact that you can bear with my attitude is a-ma-zing!  

Our Times in Paper Towns

Hello there,

I'm still in exam week, and currently I'm preparing for the linguistic paper (which you know I'm NOT cause I'm blogging pfffff). 3 papers left before I get to end this third semester. 

I've always wanted to watch the movies Paper Town and Our Times and so I did. I expected Paper Towns to be lame because of its trailer lol (what's with the main guy obsessing over a girl, ugh, he's so delusional). Whereas I gave high expectation towards Our Times cause Valarie enthusiastically said that the Taiwan movie is not exactly Cliche' and there's something MORE than just typical high school love story.

Heck, expectation often leads to disappointment. 

Paper Towns is simply amazing. Infatuation might drives you to create a fantasy image of the girl/boy you like. But then again, at the end of the day, the person that you adore is just a HUMAN. And if you're hoping that your miracle/happiness begins when you meet your other half, you might be wrong. Your miracle might be right in front of you, but you left them unnoticed. In this movie (WARNING: SPOILER), the protagonist realizes that his miracle was not the girl, but his moments with his best friends (bromance alert). The ending was beautiful.

And Our Times? 

I like this scene (to the point I screenshot and edited it lol). There's a special connection right there, can't they see it? grrrr

Sadly, it's a typical boy-bullies-girl-ends-up-falling-for-each-other-but-it-was-too-late kind of movie. Few scenes were quite similar to the popular Thailand movie, First Love. I enjoyed the movie, yes, but I expected something more meaningful than just that. (WARNING: SPOILER) What does the main guy expect really? He confessed to the main girl right after he left, because he thought she was in love with another guy. He wanted her to be happy, huh. If you want her to be happy with another guy, why did u confess to her at the end, what's the point? Ugh. Was he blind? It was so obvious they were into each other. Gosh, it was so frustrating to watch those kind of movies. hahahahaha. 

Alright now excuse me, I drank too much Green Tea, therefore frequent visits to the toilet is a must.