Anger

Grrrr....... 
Source: D-Unit's Missing You MV

Kemarahan. Fitrah manusia. Wajar diuruskan dengan baik.   Screw it. God, I just cannot write in Bahasa Melayu. I just cannot. 

Anger. Frustrated. Devastated. Disappointed. Confused. Insecure. Inferior. 

I'ts March. Bloody March. Or 4th March to be exact. Is it okay to say I'm frustrated because I was expecting Demi Lovato to release her album today, and yet she didn't? Is it safe to say not getting what I want even after asking for so many times infuriate me? Is it a bad thing to say that PLKN is completely (or almost) irrelevant for saying hello to me, right NOW? Is it a crime to let the insecurity empowers me when it comes to my vague future? 

Too many questions, too little time.



Yeah. Like how my other friends did, I also took a driving license. I went to the workshop. Listening. Laughing. Thinking. Daydreaming. Writing. Then I strive for the exam and yeah, I got 48/50 ....and it wasn't effortless because I studied as if I was preparing for nerve-wracking exam (reminded me to SPM, which was horrendous). Then again, I entered the theory class and met my ex-classmate when I was 7. He approached me and said he recognized me because I'm Anis Nadhirah's friend and dancing partner. We talked and talked, awkwardly. But it's alright.

Then, here we go. The first time ever meeting with the teacher who's going to teach me how to drive (obviously). And I didn't like him. Not even the slightest bit. I couldn't help it. I knew he was a teacher, so it gave him a right to tell me what's wrong and what's right. But, he said so many hurtful things about me, myself and I. About how weak I am. How motionless I am. How embarrassing I acted by making stupid mistakes (God, it was my first time T.T)  Well, at first, I could just bear for the sake of it. He was a teacher. So he should say something for me to rectify my problem. Until that moment, that very moment, when he said I ruined his plan by making slow progress, I SHOULD'NT TAKE DRIVING LICENSE BECAUSE I WASN'T READY and I WAS THE FIRST STUDENT THAT WAS SO DAMN NERVOUS AND COWARD in the SECOND HOUR of driving car. It hit me. Real. Hard. Keep holding the tears. Don't cry, girl. Don't. 

I went home with tears, helplessly. I locked myself in my room and cried my heart out. I was so scared. So insecure. So terrified. I refused to learn driving again simply because I was scared of things I don't even know. Driving on the road made me feel so exposed to the point that it felt surreal. God. First time is always the hardest. I gave up. I loathed driving. Even when my mom told me I was going to get a new teacher in the future, I still felt insecure. And anger. Wrath. Those harsh words were too .... harsh. Haunting me, until now. 

Then I had this courage. This exceptional courage from Him. And I believe He answered my prayer through this courage that I got from my family and friends. I'm going to try again. I'm going to drive again. With my father's help, I learned how to drive properly. No rushing. No harsh words, telling me I cannot do this and that. He's always there. The teacher's words keep ringing in my ears, but then I simply just ....... SHUT UP and drive.  


Oh yeah. I'll get a new teacher. Maybe it wouldn't change a thing. I wouldn't give high expectation. I need a teacher who can accept me making mistakes., shoot., how am I going to learn if I don't make mistakes? That's it.




And yeah. I drive and drive till I run into PLKN. PLKN wanted me to stop driving for now. Because I'm going to PLKN this 31st, March, 2013. Great. Just great. Ugh. And yeah, I'm not going to stop driving, I'm just going to take a break from accelerating towards 'P' license. 

p/s: I'm not blaming him. Maybe it's just me. No chemistry. I cannot help it. And yeah, maybe I'm just scared.

     

Closure

I don't know how to begin.

It's just that, I feel like giving up. I feel like running away. Well, at least, there is a person who glads I disappear from here. 

I feel like giving up blogging, for now because day by day, I feel the urge to write about the pain that I feel. I'm afraid I might write about something so stupid that I'll become ashamed of, in the future. In the end, I will hurt the people that I love, because of my selfish action. Seems like a small matter to you, but, it's a big deal to me.

The same thing keeps coming back to me for years. It feels like forever. I have no one to run too. I hate myself for having none.

So yeah. I'm leaving from here. I feel like I'm betrayed, judged and punished for something's out of my reach. So please. Forgive me. If I was wrong.

I'll be back ..... if I'm ready. 

Eternal Peace. Now smile, girl. 

 

 

Album Review?

Warning: This entry contains .............. KPOP. Take it or leave it.

I wouldn't call this as album review. I'm doing this to show my LOVE towards 2YOON. Their album is really AWESOME and total EARGASM as a Kpop fan, like me :p



I've always been a fan of 4Minute. I've always love this group as a WHOLE. For instance, I'm liking D-Unit for their addictive, R&B music, SPICA for strong vocals, SNSD for their flawless, beauty, look, and BoA for her amazing dance skill. 

But 4Minute, I simply love their music, down-to-earth attitude, natural look (they claimed that none of them has had any plastic surgery), dancing skill and ............... they're pretty close with BEAST because they both under same management which is CUBE ENTERTAINMENT. So yeah. No matter what they say, I still love these girls. 

So when 2YOON (sub-unit of 4Minute which consists of gaYOON and jiYOON) debuted, I could not help but anticipate it! Both of them are the main vocals of 4Minute. I adore Gayoon's sweet sweet voice and Jiyoon's badass, cutesy voice (especially when she screams lol). FYI, SUB-UNIT is usually formed so that the sub-unit can produce music with something different than their group in terms of genre, theme and all that.

Kpop group and its sub-unit:
Girls Generation - TaeTiSeo
Sistar - Sistar19
Rainbow - Rainbow Pixie
Infinite - Infinite H
After School - Orange Caramel


When they came up with the COUNTRY theme ..... I was like ...... What? I'm not a fan of country music (except Tay Swift, of course). Somehow it was unique and completely different from other kpop groups. To be exact, their album's name is HARVEST MOON! Ahhhh.... it reminded me to my favourite game during my childhood. 

And this is the MOST stunning, beautiful, gorgeous album cover .... ever (at least, that's what I think). 

Gayoon and Jiyoon. Credit: Allkpop

The song 24/7 isn't bad, though. It consists of this distinct, country feel (the musical instruments and the setting for their MV) and the familiar sense of KPOP (the song). They show their CUTE side (which is different from 4Minute) through their outfits and choreography. I like this song, but I don't really LOVE it. I prefer 4Minute's Volume Up, though. 

WHY NOT - Listening to the intro, first thing that occurred to me was , "HARDCORE. WOW." and yeah, it sounds like it could possibly be an ANIME theme song, like, seriously. When Jiyoon hit, "Why Not", it sounds extremely exhilarating to the point that she unintentionally transfers goosebumps to me. 

Gayoon and Jiyoon. Credit: Google

NIGHTMARE - The title says it all. It's an emotional, ballad, hauntingly-beautiful song. Gayoon's sweet vocal, Jiyoon's rap ............. and the mysterious back-up girl (she sounds like SPICA's Boa, which is real GOOD). BTOB Ilhoon's rap completed this song. Enough said.

 쎄쎄쎄 (Se Se Se) - Firstly, I have no idea what Se Se Se even means.The intro reminds me to a song by G.Na - Drop It. But this song is really addictive. This is the kind of song that I'll never get tired of listening to. I love this genre (R&B, I guess) and the way Jiyoon says "I Love You" is so ...... alluring. Haha.

BLACK SWAN - I think Black Swan refers to their beauty, strong, intimidating attitude. Love the addictive BEAT. Jiyoon's rap at the beginning is awesome, as usual. When Gayoon's sing the chorus part, it's just simply idyllic and it becomes the climax to this song (to me) to the point that I hit repeat.

Especially this part "Raise your head, Black Swan. Now, smile, Black Swan".

Shoot. 4Minute should make songs, like this. Wait. NO. It doesn't suit 4Minute, though. Only 2YOON can pull it off. Now, I'm waiting for 4Minute's comeback. I admire how they constantly change (in a good way) in order to present 4Nia (4Minute's fan) something new, something BETTER. 

4Minute in Hanbok. So Beautiful! Credit: Google.

And this article from ALLKPOP causes me to let out an involuntary gasp of amazement! Woah.

2YOON has revealed that their secret to weight loss these days is practicing the choreography of their song, “24/7“!

Jiyoon shared, “You can call it a ‘diet dance’. We really lost a lot of weight. There are definitely noticeable results. Gayoon has seen crazy results.”

Gayoon then rolled up her sleeves and showed her ‘nano-wrists’ showing the effect she experienced with choreography practice. “If you dance ’24/7′ just two times, you start sweating a lot. That is why we said among ourselves that ‘Volume Up’s choreography was easy [compared to '24/7'].”

She continued, “We really sweat a lot. I want to start an aerobics center with Jiyoon and let people know about it. Compared to my promotional activities for ‘Volume Up’, I lost 8 kg (~17.6 lbs.). All of my pants are big right now. All of my outfits don’t fit. I have to get them resized. Even the smallest size clothing and pants, I have to tailor the sleeves and wear it.” However, to assure fans that may be worried, she commented, “There is nothing wrong with my health. You don’t have to worry.”

2YOON further stated, “Although there are fans who worry about our health, we are exercising and managing our diet so you don’t have to worry. We are very healthy.”

Gayoon. Credit: Google.

Okay. I gotta go. Gonna learn this dance routine. Gonna lose some weight (like Gayoon, lol). Bye, for now.

This Little Girl

Let's be honest. There is a monster in my closet. I've been wiping my tears over it for quite some times. Yeah. I'm a crybaby. I'm sensitive. I even cry over something achingly-mean words that someone uttered to me for, like, 6 years ago. I always manage to find this concrete reason to sob (in a bad way). They say, you can get addicted to certain kind of sadness. Ugh.

Somewhere, somehow, this little girl slightly make things better to me. She is a definition of cuteness overload (at least, to me). I just simply stare at her for no reasons just so she'll ask me why do I keep staring at her. I couldn't help laughing when she presented her dorky side. Pinching her puffy cheek somehow becoming a routine. 

And this little girl wouldn't stay 'little' forever. So, I'm going to capture her, and let her 'little girl' moment stay ..... forever with my finger-knitting accessory for her black, shiny hair. 

Even though some people consider her dark skin as a flaw, I deny it (secretly to myself) because I am naturally quite dark too and trust me, life wouldn't be FUN without colours. I mean, come on, I find the world would be intimidating and boring when ALL the walks of life are completely the same. Come on. Just appreciate God's creation, already. He knows what's BEST. Just because certain physical looks don't meet your expectation or taste, please, don't turn them into laughing stock. Everybody is BEAUTIFUL in different way.

I taught her how to finger-knitting and at first, of course, she was immersed and couldn't put it down. But now, she doesn't seem interested to continue the finger-knitting T_____T
Whoa. This little girl does not stick to one interest only, mehh.








And yeah. This little girl is my little sister which is only 10, this year. She just reached 10 for the past few days. Happy belated birthday, girl.

p/s: Good thing I write in English. So that she wouldn't fully understand what I write. Hehehehe. 

The Morning Walk

This morning. For the first time, I decided to walk to the beach (yes, walk) and jog (which means, mostly walking) along the beach ........ ALONE. It has been raining for days (I'm at Besut, Terengganu, so yeah), and today, it's quite sunny. I miss the sun. 

This is it. iPod Nano 7th generation. Some peeps think this design is ugly. First impression matters. I find it is exceptionally gorgeous and ..... cute. It looks like a mini iPhone. Enough said. Source : Google

Look, um, actually iPod Nano really helps me to start walking, jogging and yeah it motivates me. It is specified with this Nike application and .... MUSIC to keep me feel alive. I bought this iPod last year, in the middle of SPM, when I had TWO critical papers left (Chem and Bio). I didn't plan to buy it so soon, but I just ran into this iPod when I was wandering (and shopping) in KB Mall, and yeah, I already made a research before buying it (to ensure it occupies my need), and I actually planned to purchase it at KL, hehe. The adrenaline rushed through my veins and I just simply purchased it (with my parents money, of course). And it's worth it. That night, I transferred my songs into the iPod ... even though SPM was not even coming to an end. But then, I put aside my iPod, and kept my focus (:

SONY MP3 WALKMAN. Mine is the PINK one, for sure.  Source : Google

I still remember the SONY MP3 that I asked my dad to buy it for me because I got a good result for my UPSR. For 1GB, it costed RM299. But it was real GOOD. The BASS and all that. But I hate the fact that I had to install the software (which was hard, for me, at 12). And now, I have no idea where is that mp3 (ugh). Meanwhile iPod Nano costs RM529 for ...... 16GB! Installing iTunes is much easier, btw. And you can watch vids, place some memorable pics, Nike application (for Fitness) and all that. I even managed to transfer ALL of Demi Lovato's songs in her albums that I own for years. Without hesitation, I just greedily downloaded ALL of Bridgit Mendler's songs and transfer them into my iPod. Before this, I used to listen to music thru my phone, (can't live without music, but, can breathe without phone), and with only 2GB, it was such a torture to delete songs, just so I could add new songs. So, I am thankful for my parents for their understanding towards my inseparable addiction which is MUSIC. iPod Nano is simply perfect for me to run, jog and dance because it is so light compared to my phone or even iPod Touch. And I just LOVE it.

So, Here we go. A one-hour trip to the beach in the morning. Don't expect me to run 10km or something, I am only getting started. And yeah. I am the 'Kampung Girl', mehhhh. I was just enjoying the 'Kampung' serene view ~





It's 7.35 a.m. (I guess), the gate is locked. Left. Right. The coast is clear. Jump. Yeah. Jump. 

iPod Nano 7th Generation. PINK. Name: DEMONA72

Fitness, yeah.

The songs in my playlist (for this MORNING WALK):

Animal - SNSD

Hurricane - Bridgit Mendler

Wake Up - Anthony Neely

Lose Your Mind - BoA

Hurry Up And Save Me - Tiffany Giardina

Good Morning. Hello, SUN. Long time no see. I miss you (:

Can you spot the birds?

Way to go. Lalala ~

Assalamualaikum ya ahli kubur ~

Yeah. Finally. I can see the beach. It's calling me. Let's go.

Getting closer. And closer.

Close.

Faster and faster.

Step. Step. Step.

Yeay. 

This is the result of those heavy rains, I guess. 

Hey, sunshine!

So. I took around 0.4 hours (24 minutes) to walk from my home to the beach.  2364 steps are equal of ALL steps that I did on previous days.


Or to be exact ..........

2333 steps (refer to steps for this morning) ? Wow. 

Beautiful

You better run. 

So yeah. I started running at 8.09 am and stopped at 8.28 am .... Gahhhh, I was lazy  and exhausted and breathless after  a 24-minute walk (alasan. ciss)

After inhaling and exhaling, I decided to walk to my home. Feeling thirsty. Feeling hungry. My legs were not walking anymore, they were being dragged, instead. And the journey was still long (at least, for me).

2465 steps (journey from the beach to my home). Cool.

Then I'm home. The end :D

Overall, my journey was 66 minutes, from walking to the beach, running along the beach and walking to my home. Fuhhh. Wait. Only 233 calories!! Oh no!! Come on. It was tiring, man.

p/s: This isn't enough. Running isn't enough to shred some pounds. I need some dancing, some weight lifting to burn those fats!