Sometime, it hurts to be judged based on your appearance. How you dress. How 'labuh' is your scarves. How well you're being covered. Because they expect you to be perfect. They expect you to be this stereotype of knowledgeable, quiet, demure, well-mannered, kind of 'Muslimah'. When the expectation disappoints them, they begin criticizing. They even misinterpret the word 'Muslimah'. Ha.
It hurts. A lot.
But then again, it brings me back to my intention of deciding to start covering my aurah properly. Because of Allah. Yes, because of Allah. Then His creations should not interfere. His creations' expectations don't deserve to haunt me. I'm covering my aurah because it brings me closer to Him. Every action makes me ponder and consider His acceptance.
But then again, I am so weak. So vulnerable. So fragile. I make tons and tons of mistakes. I know I tend to do things I know I shouldn't. My conscience messed up. I am so confused. *mata masuk habuk