I have so many things to do this holiday. But I'm procrastinating. I could lay on my bed, browsing Facebook, YouTube, Instagram and waiting for Years And Years to release their album, Communion (which is today) for hours. What am I doing with my life? 

I have so many books to read. I need to brush up my Adobe Photoshop skill (because I'm going to spend hours next semester editing poster for every St John's meeting). I should start brainstorming story line for a short story for a book project with my TESOLians friends and lecturer. I was surprised when the lecturer said she liked my short stories included in my assignment for her subject. God, that was unexpected. Because those short stories were ... cheesy, I guess (Honestly, I wrote them when I was in form 5 for my English exam paper and school's magazine). These days, I don't set writing fictions as my priority anymore no matter how much Rainbow Rowell's Fangirl inspired me to start writing again. So pathetic, I know. 

There's this book that I've always wanted to read. The Music Made Me Do It. I bought it in the first heartbeat (I just had to buy it! Because it relates music in Islam's perspective). At times, I go through the book, stumble upon interesting pages and then unintentionally come to its conclusion. Music is not being approved in this book context. Of course. Being a huge fan of music for years, I admit that it's hard to get rid of this habit of listening to music frequently. I listen to music in the car. I listen to music on my way to class. I listen to music while doing chores. I listen to music while studying. I AM LISTENING TO MUSIC RIGHT NOW. It becomes a part of me. *sigh

I regard music as my time machine. Whenever I listen to old, outdated but famous songs, I can point out the years the songs came out and my personal moments with them. It's crazy I know but music is my soundtrack. Every moment has its own soundtrack. Sometime, I can be in the state of ecstasy whenever I plug in my earphones (especially when I listen to Years And Years's Desire). 

I can't hear you~

Sometime, It's easier to shut everyone out by simply listening to music. When I press PLAY, it means, I don't want to communicate with human being verbally, I don't want to say Hello in the hallway and everything seems surreal. I embrace music the way music embraces the introverted, social anxiety sides of me. 

Because music is my little secret.

I keep searching for tracks that will quench my thirst in music. Music that understands my sadness. Music that defines true love. Music that would put in my dancing shoes. No matter how many years I've spent searching for that, deep down I realize that I'll never find it. I know but I am in denial. I am too attached to music. I need to break this bad habit. 

The journey might be ... long. But, I'm on my way. 


A. said...

sama ): nak ubah dari english song ke nasyid pun susah dan dari nasyid ke surah surah Al Quran pun kena mujahadah kuat T.T all the best awak!

Syahirah Ruslan said...

Yeahhhhh exactly. Susah kan.... but we still have to try. InsyaAllah.