Cry Baby

I guess I am addicted to sadness. When I am alone, I will be consumed of my dark thoughts, then I begin to dive into my painful memories and end up crying. For the same damn thing. If someone saw me in that 'trance' state where I stare blankly into the wall with my wet cheeks, they must have thought that I'm insane. I guess it's an addiction. It's a detoxification (I can say that, can't I?)

Words can hurt me. Say something rude to me, I'll remember it for years. I'm vulnerable like that. I kinda hate myself too. For allowing myself to get offended easily over words but I can't help it. Especially when it comes to physical criticism. I try really hard to restrain myself from criticise someone's physical because I realize that it is a sensitive issue. And rude too. So when I manage not to say anything about others body figure (for instance), I get mad (like really mad) when other people can't even stop themselves from criticise my skin, my lips (yeah I got dry lips for years, even when I drink lots of water) and my body. Fuhh. I might act like I don't give a damn when they said it to my face, but when the door is closed, I shed tears over those hurtful words. 

Melanie Martinez's music is creepy and disturbing, just the way I like it.

I can relate this to Melanie Martinez's song called Cry Baby. She wrote that song because it portrays her personality. She is extremely sensitive and tend to be triggered easily which consequently ends in tears. (Oh well she's just like me)

You seem to replace

Your brain with your heart
You take things so hard
And then you fall apart

You try to explain

But before you can start
Those cry baby tears
Come out of the dark

Someone's turning the handle

To that faucet in your eyes
They're pouring out
Where everyone can see

You're one of a kind

And no one understands
But those cry baby tears

Keep coming back again


author nad said...

i pun cant be left alone with my thoughts, will end up the same way -> nangis. bila luahkan kat orang it comes out completely different from what I feel and it makes me sound really bad padahal macam x tahu nak bagitahu macam mana. it's like nobody understands lol. but despite being consumed by my dark thoughts when im alone, i actually enjoy my own company. a lot! suka duduk sorang2. the world feels better that way

Syahirah Ruslan said...

Yeap. Being alone is the BEST! I'm glad I'm not the only one experiencing this. Thank u so much for ur comment Anis 😘

Izz said...

but i love you