The Downside

Despite all of those exhilarating, exciting activities for the subject (regarding my recent post). I've discovered few things. 




I realize that my temper always gets me into trouble. My impulsive behaviour tends to hurt others. Due to my serious tone in speaking, they might take my joke .... seriously. 
I can't help it, you know. I can't be all smiling and speaking softly when inside, I'm irritated and annoyed. I just can't. When I get mad, I would pour it all out. Worse, when I'm not even angry at someone, my high tone of speaking causes them to get scared of me because they thought I was mad at them. It's just the way I speak. And my temper is not helping at all.



I'm building the barrier from other people to approach me. I'm cold. I rarely smile simply because ......... I really bad at smiling. My friends said things like, "You're a weirdo. You don't really like smiling, don't you?" "You always seem like you're in a bad mood" "Your smile is too expensive, I guess". Haish. I bury my nose into books (well because I love reading) to avoid awkwardness. I keep my mouth shut when I don't have something important to say. I don't want to speak carelessly anymore. But my quietness was mistaken as ............ passiveness. Hence, they urged me to speak and give opinion during discussion (when I already did, but they didn't even bother to listen) and that was annoying. 

How am I going to show the beauty of Islam with this attitude? How am I going to teach my future students with this impatient, hot-tempered, impulsive behaviour of mine? How on earth would I be a good example to my little sister, friends and future students when I'm acting this way? 

:'(


5 comments:

author nad said...

There's always another perspective to look at this. I think it's strength. Ada belajar hadis logam tak? “Manusia seperti logam, terpilihnya mereka semasa jahiliyyah terpilih juga mereka semasa Islam, sekiranya mereka faham”

Contohnya Umar al-Khattab, sebelum Islamnya dia tegas dan garang. Selepas Islam juga dia tegas dan garang. Tapi tegas dan garangnya di jalan yang betul.

Be who you are, but flourish that with Islam. inshaaAllah :)

Che Nab said...

Finally an update XD hey hey your voice makes you a good singer. And I'm still finding my style of singing due to my "unpuberty" voice (-____-' ). Just imagine everyone are the cameras so that you'll automatically smile hahaha jk. Hey, you can use your writing talent to spread the beauty of Islam :)

Syahirah Ruslan said...

Thanks Anis! Yes I've heard of that hadith :) Thanks for reminding me. I really love your feedback because you encourage me to be myself............ <3<3<3 InsyaAllah :)

Thanks Che Nab. But still, I'm a teacher-to-be .... I have to control my temper and my attitude in front of my students. Please don't tell me that just because I'm going to be an English teacher, I cannot make changes and spread Islam (remember our conversation at the beach about ur ustaz making changes in ur sbp and i wanna do it too, but u kinda not trust me to do it... um). Because I'm gonna do what I wanna do :D thanks for acknowledging my 'talent' in writing... bcuz I don't think I'm that good though.. but still, THANKS. A LOT <3<3<3

Izz said...

i love you for who you are wannur ♥ jgn jd org lain. nnti kita tak bahagia. tak apa. kita try slow2. dont change for others. it is not worth it. trust me. you will be happy by being urself. no worry. time will slowly bring us to the better. whtever happens, stay still. i lahv yuuuu

Izz said...

i love you for who you are. dont change just for the sake of others. you will not be happy. be you. the true you. dont worry. time will guide us to be a better person. there is still a long journey ahead. we will learn more kan on how to be a good person. :-*