I realize that my temper always gets me into trouble. My impulsive behaviour tends to hurt others. Due to my serious tone in speaking, they might take my joke .... seriously.
I can't help it, you know. I can't be all smiling and speaking softly when inside, I'm irritated and annoyed. I just can't. When I get mad, I would pour it all out. Worse, when I'm not even angry at someone, my high tone of speaking causes them to get scared of me because they thought I was mad at them. It's just the way I speak. And my temper is not helping at all.
I'm building the barrier from other people to approach me. I'm cold. I rarely smile simply because ......... I really bad at smiling. My friends said things like, "You're a weirdo. You don't really like smiling, don't you?" "You always seem like you're in a bad mood" "Your smile is too expensive, I guess". Haish. I bury my nose into books (well because I love reading) to avoid awkwardness. I keep my mouth shut when I don't have something important to say. I don't want to speak carelessly anymore. But my quietness was mistaken as ............ passiveness. Hence, they urged me to speak and give opinion during discussion (when I already did, but they didn't even bother to listen) and that was annoying.
How am I going to show the beauty of Islam with this attitude? How am I going to teach my future students with this impatient, hot-tempered, impulsive behaviour of mine? How on earth would I be a good example to my little sister, friends and future students when I'm acting this way?