Due to floods, it took me almost a week to get here. Not that I'm complaining. But it was so unexpected. I didn't expect to NOT be at USM during study week. I was supposed to STUDY, like LITERALLY study, but I didn't.
My bus ride was cancelled due to landslide. TWO nights at USM Kubang Kerian. TWO nights at UMP. ONE night at my cousins' home. Fuhhhh.
It took car, bus and airplane ride to reach USM today. Whoa. Sometime, I can't help but get mad at myself for making stupid decisions, for allowing myself to wait this long, for wasting time, for procrastinating, for wallowing in misery and being emotional over little things.
Along the journey, I realize how fragile and vulnerable I am. When Allah gave me a little test (which was nothing compared to the flood victims) I began to push the panic button. I became stressed, emotional and hot-tempered. God, I was so.... weak (still am). Then the lesson that I learnt during my literature lecture occurred to my mind (related to a poem) where human begins to expose his or her selfish trait during crisis. I realized how self-centered I was. It was all about me, myself and I. I didn't even care about their feelings, as if the world revolved around me, as if I was the only one who was in pain and frustration. When I was in bad mood, I pushed the people around me away from me. Everything they said, even, "Are you okay?" appeared annoying to me because at that moment I was like "I AM NOT OKAY, LOOK AT ME, I AM NOT OKAY, WHY ARE YOU EVEN ASKING?" (I didn't say that to them literally of course). I can't even control my temper. Man, I'm afraid I'm going to hurt people around me without meaning to do so. How do I control my temper?