The Decision, The Path

Tomorrow will be my third day on semester 2. Semester 1 was a good start. English is always a challenge to me no matter how much I love that beautiful language. Semester 1 was confusing, exhausting and exciting. 

Confusing? Because I was struck with doubt (like, tons of times) whether this course is the right choice in the first place. 

I don't know why but whenever I heard people mention the word 'medic', I tend to wonder of what would happen if I chose that course. I must confess, I felt quite a slight of attachment towards that course deep in my heart. I kind of felt like it was meant for me, as if it was my destiny even though I didn't even have little 'affection' or interest towards it. Consequently, I began to feel torn between what I was supposed to do, what others wanted me to do and what I wanted to do. I thought I was supposed to choose medic because the path and the condition were perfectly laid out in front of me. Almost everyone wanted me to choose that course but I didn't really bother to listen to them (haha). Even when there were few friends supported my decision to go for TESOL and frowned upon listening to my temporary decision towards medic, I felt like they were underestimating me. Yeah, just because they can go for that course, what made they think that I couldn't? God, I was so emotional, over-thinking girl.  

Of course, I wanted to be free to study the subjects that I love - English. Being me, a free spirit, a reckless decision maker and a dreamer who would do anything for her dream - I chose what I wanted to do. 

My effort was never good enough. I would never call myself as a hardworking, stay-up-late-studying kind of student. I would never call myself as a bright student either. I always perceive that God is being nice to me, He showers me with 'rezeki' and every blissful thing that occurs in my life, I give Him the credit for it. I am nothing. I am nothing without Him. 

Now, I am twenty, young, still breathing (Alhamdulillah), a proud TESOLian (I don't give a damn even when you think my course is not fancy as yours) and ready to conquer............my own little world.